(I COULD'VE LOVED YOU SO)
When I was a boy I saw love... I wanted it so.
A young prince so infatuated with visions of a princess... Castle superimposed against a blue sky, white clouds suspended puffy and white.
Love however eluded me, always just out of reach... Fevered dreams.
I a boy learning that love could be such a savage thing... Fingernails bitten to the quick... Heatbeats thumping in my chest.
When I was teenager love though close never wrapped me in its embrace... So many factors that the equation never added up.
I saw love as it touched others, softly caressing them as it beat me down... So hard to love when surrounded by bricks and concrete... By the reality of living in Babylon.
Love defined by the fact that I couldn't see Christianity or unsee visions of slavery.
Graffiti images of full lips and beautiful brown eyes drawn on project walls... I alone in the steel and glass jungle.
When I became a man love in a way had become my enemy... I a man unwilling to share even an iota of my pain.
What woman could overstand the depths of my darkness... Where I came from? Where I wanted to be?
A stranger walking among the masses... Sheep wearing the skin of humans... Surrounded by so many who worshipped and prayed at the temple materialism.
Internalized tears turning into boiling water that cooked my soul.
Love leaving me wanting and wondering... Why did love have to hurt me so?
JERALD HAMZAHFARUQ MURPHY
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